Do You Have the Patience to Homeschool?

Does it really take a lot of patience in order to homeschool? Do you have enough patience to be a “good” homeschool parent?

Probably the most common response I hear from people who don’t homeschool when they learn that we are a homeschool family is, “Oh, I could never do that, I don’t have the patience to homeschool.”

I am never quite sure how to respond to this because I really have very. little. patience.

When things don’t start on time, I am continually looking at my watch and thinking, “come on, let’s get started…”. I mean, I can wait patiently for about 20 minutes. But past that, I tend to become more irritated the longer I have to wait, especially if someone cuts in the line or is taking much, much longer than they ought. But, somehow I have still managed to successfully homeschool for over 20 years.

I guess I must have some patience, but it’s definitely not an extraordinary amount. So maybe it actually doesn’t take a saintly amount of patience to homeschool?

Sometimes I wonder if what they really mean when they say “I don’t have enough patience to homeschool” is that they don’t like being around their kids.

Or maybe they think that their kids don’t have the patience to be homeschooled?

If your children aren’t generally pleasant to be around, then you need to change up some things in your household and work on character development whether you are homeschooling or not.

Does that sound harsh? hmmm…maybe it is, but if a child is so unpleasant that the adults in that child’s life don’t want to be around them or spend time with them, they aren’t going to magically grow up and suddenly become pleasant, productive members of society. You are doing your child a major disservice if you allow them to be chronically rude to both yourself and everyone else.

Homeschooling does require a lot of work on the parents’ part. But, the end results are worth it when your homeschooled children become young adults who you and others of all ages actually enjoy being around!

You DO have enough patience to homeschool

The pastor at our church likes to joke that you should never pray for patience. Because you won’t just be handed a bunch of patience, you”ll be given opportunities to practice and learn patience, which is totally different. LOL

Here’s why I think anyone who loves their kids has “enough” patience to homeschool their kids, and it’s also the best thing about homeschooling: Homeschooling isn’t “school at home”. It really is a different way of life, and that can be used as a way to slow down and enjoy each day.

Now, I’ve known some families who thought they needed to do a “fun” activity away from home every single day (and yes, they burned out pretty quickly) and I’ve even been guilty of over scheduling some years. But during the p@ndemic when we were forced to stay home for several months, we realized that a slower way of life really was beneficial to us all emotionally and educationally.

Maybe it’s really not about having enough “patience”. It’s more about consistency, self-discipline, and respect.

One of the best things about homeschooling your kids? You get to set the rules.

One of the worst things about homeschooling your kids? You must also enforce the rules–consistently, even when it’s a pain to do so. And you must have the self-discipline to actually teach and structure your home around learning.

After all, when you are homeschooling, you are with your kids for a large majority of the time. And, once they are familiar with the consistency of your family rules and the pattern of your daily life, hopefully they won’t try your patience as often.

Now, some kids will figure out rules and consequences quickly, and some kids will test you multiple times during every single different situation, to see if you really mean it. (I’ve had both types of kids)

Of course, no child will be perfect all of the time. They will, in fact, have many missteps along the way as they learn to regulate their emotions. Just be sure to extend Grace and forgiveness and move forward after emotions flair up.

Your love for your children is a much better indicator of whether or not you will be successful in your homeschool. ~ Jenn Carson

What to do when you lose all of your patience?

As a homeschool mom, you will at some point find yourself completely losing all of your patience. And usually it happens over something totally unimportant when everything has built up to a boiling over point.

We like to use the “do over” technique that my husband and I learned about at a conference for foster and adoptive parents led by licensed behavior therapists. It’s kind of like a reset for the day, a way to start over.

Basically, everyone who is old enough to be unsupervised in their rooms, goes to their room to calm down and regroup their emotions. Younger kids can play quietly near mom, but on their own.

Usually, this only takes about 5 minutes, but gives every one a chance to settle their high emotions. Then each of you should extend grace and ask for forgiveness from the other members of the family for losing your patience.

It’s like the saying, “His mercies are new every morning”, except we use it all times of the day to restart and reset how we are interacting with each other.

If your kids are able to verbalize their thoughts and emotions well enough, you can have a discussion about why their emotions were not well-regulated and what the underlying issue was, i.e., what they were actually needing. Was it just attention they needed? Or a snack? Or did they need to get out some energy?

What do you think? Is it really just loads of patience that is needed to homeschool, or is it really, actually self-discipline and respect?

Or maybe it’s that the experience of homeschooling and spending so much time with our kids is what teaches us patience alongside our kids who are learning self-discipline and respect?

Whichever it is, I don’t have a lot of patience, and I’ve been homeschooling for over twenty years. And if I can do it, then I don’t believe a person’s general level of patience should be a factor in determining whether or not they should homeschool their children. Your love for your children is a much better indicator of whether or not you will be successful.